With gyms reopening soon, I feel it’s my duty as someone with anger management issues and an internet connection to warn you of the impending fuckery that will non-consensually invade your senses as you innocently scroll social media in search of actual good things: cob-loaves and dudes getting nailed in the nuts with random objects. … Continue reading Are you REALLY ready for gyms to open???
And you thought Wretched was just full of curses and rage. Shame on you. I’d like to start a recipe series called “It doesn't taste shit, has ingredients from the normal person supermarket & won't make you fat”. Catchy eh? “Healthy recipes” go one of two ways: They are tasty as fuck, but have 31 … Continue reading NEW recipe series (warning: useful content)
Fitness types can be real self-righteous pricks. Typically I can scroll past their platitudes and laugh it off/write really scathing shit about them in relative anonymity – but in these isolation times, the sheer volume of this self-righteousness is off the fucken Richter: and I. Am. Not. Coping. So in a refreshing twist, below is … Continue reading The NOT To Do List
I guess I took a hiatus from Wretched because I stopped being mad – turns out that is untrue. I was just a lazy fuck and all that madness has been dormant all this time and has been utterly triggered by Iso and the ENDLESS FUCKING POSTS ABOUT YOUR BORING AS FUCK HOME WORKOUT. I … Continue reading No. One. Cares.
I look at social media. Then I look at the gym. Then I look back at social media. And then I look back at the gym. Then I look at social media once more. And then I look at the gym once more. And then I just think: no. I look at social media: and … Continue reading What you see is not what you get
And for some reason very angry. Eat these 10 foods, do these top 3 exercises, snort these crystals, insert this vegetable, does your workout spark joy? No I don’t like them, I don’t want to, is that even safe, wait what? And for the record: mostly no. I’m just overwhelmed; there is too much information. … Continue reading I’m overwhelmed. And bored
Handstand pushups, 200kg squats, biceps bigger than your head – don’t impress me much. Here are the real hero's of the gym: The good Samaritan Even though they didn’t use [insert piece of random equipment strewn on the floor], they put [insert piece of random equipment strewn on the floor] away in its rightful place … Continue reading The real hero’s of the gym
Your brain is a master saboteur. Monday: hands down the easiest day to weasel out of – and your brain knows this, the justification is simple “I’ll go tomorrow”. Beat your brain: make Monday an absolutely non-negotiable day to go to the gym. None. Nada. NO excuses under absolutely no circumstances on this planet. Too … Continue reading Beat your brain and go to the gym
If you're not watching Married At First Sight (MAFS)...you're probably a very productive person: The Sam's of the gym world are generally the ones we would classically consider douche-bags, who position themselves in front of the mirror. Their exercise regime typically consists of bicep curls and bench press (incline, decline, narrow grip, wide grip, dumbbell, … Continue reading How MAFS is every person in the gym
If you survive this, you’ll survive the gym floor. STAGE 1: Fear It’s normal to fear a facility where people swan in-and-out at ungodly hours, in unforgivable outfits, drinking unidentifiable liquids. If you weren’t afraid, your fight or flight instinct is broken and you need to see to that before you proceed any further. This … Continue reading 5 stages of joining the gym for the first time