Sometimes your body is an amazing, mysterious mechanism. Sometimes it can be a real asshole. You know that weights routine you have been doing for months…maybe years? Your body has that shit figured out and has now become so efficient at the same predictable workout, the benefits you would have gained when you first started … Continue reading 5 ways to change up your weights routine (when you don’t know anything) →

It’s shocking to think you might exercises for reasons other than #glutesthatsalute So you don’t commit a felony The actual number of my gym sessions that have been fuelled by rage and hate-fire rather than pre-trainer and commitment are numerous as they are concerning. None-the-less, putting your spiteful- energy in to a gym session will … Continue reading 3 reasons to exercise (that aren’t about exercise) →

Somehow social media has made fitness look fun and sexy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ You won’t feel like exercising most of the time Get out of your head this motivation thing that you’re meant to find that will magically teleport you to the gym. Simply decide that going to the gym is 100% non-negotiable and not based on … Continue reading Fitness: the boring truth →

Just when you though a chucked gym towel, neglected water bottle and seemingly forgotten hoodie on the gym floor were the works of a lazy fucker; Wretched explains the hidden symbolism behind these powerful entities. Gym towels  Gym towels yield the greatest power on the gym floor. A gym towel draped on a piece of … Continue reading When a gym towel is not a gym towel →

Be a better gym floor citizen Yes I hate people too – but you see those randomly strewn orphan weights you stepped over? Pick them up and put them away. Your gym karma bank account will be brimming! While we're on the gym floor, if you see someone eyeing off the equipment/weights you are using, … Continue reading 3 fitness new years resolutions (and not a #booty in sight) →

This time of year is when people start to think “I’m going to join a gym”. I do realise there are many emotional stages/excuses between the statement “I’m going to join a gym” and actually joining a gym  including but not limited to: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, a river of fire, an ancient riddle … Continue reading Excuses are like assholes →

Somewhere just after Christmas day and right before hot X buns make their first appearance (27 December obvs), a deluge of fitness offers begin to besiege your eyes, ears and other senses as the gym marketing gods sense your self-loathing after days-upon-days of indulgence and leftovers. Below are just 3 such offers that have undoubtedly … Continue reading Wipe away your glazed-ham tears: 3 offers you can’t refuse →

While you’ve been buying Christmas hams –  I’ve been studying. While you’ve been soaking fruit for your Christmas pudding (you have? Fuck. I’m impressed) – I’ve been scrolling for kilometres on social media. I’ve been studying, scrolling and taking notes on the most influential influencers in fitness all in the name of becoming an influencer … Continue reading Influencer starter pack →

I’ve decided: if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. If I‘m going to get Wretched off the ground I’m going to have to join the  “influencer” club. I’ve been taking notes. I’ve been taking notes of what my day looks like. And I’ve been taking notes of what an influencer’s day looks like. And as … Continue reading How to be an influencer →

I hate a lot of things really. Ranging from: meh – hairball on the gym floor (pretty standard) to burst carotid artery – un-racking one side of a barbell (whyyyyyy are you such an asshole???). But this. This is up there between popping an artery and intermittent explosive disorder (which btw has nothing to do with … Continue reading I hate a lot of things…but nothing as much as this →