And for some reason very angry.
Eat these 10 foods, do these top 3 exercises, snort these crystals, insert this vegetable, does your workout spark joy? No I don’t like them, I don’t want to, is that even safe, wait what? And for the record: mostly no.
I’m just overwhelmed; there is too much information. I’m bored; there is too much of the same information. No wonder we’re on the collective sofa, watching the collective Netflix, eating the collective block of Cadbury crème egg chocolate.
Scrap that: no collective chocolate. I don’t share that shit.
To save you the trouble of scrolling, reading, clicking, liking, commenting and sharing the same shit on a different day just with a different bikini on a different beach with a selfie at a different angle, here you go: eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re full, move everyday doing things you mildly enjoy and refuse to use the word wellness because…well…it’s not even a fucking word. You aren’t an idiot – you know what you are meant to be doing to not be a jaundiced, lacklustre dead shit. Sorry to be harsh – but it’s not that complicated. Don’t look for excuses to make it complicated. Because it’s not.
The only time the nuances of fitness and nutrition really matter is if you are an Olympic athlete and your livelihood depends on your face being on a cereal box which is contingent on you coming first in [insert event here] and therefore having to shave 0.01 nano-seconds off your time. Then yes – snort vegan Himalayan crouching tiger rare powder to gain an edge. But fuck – if you’re just a normal person – who gives a fuck if the latest craze is HIIT and you hate it? If you hate it, don’t do it. Do any other 17-billion things that are considered moving your ass.
And I’ve just figured out why I’m angry. Some fucker has eaten my crème egg chocolate*.
*that fucker is me.