Beat your brain and go to the gym

Your brain is a master saboteur.

Monday: hands down the easiest day to weasel out of – and your brain knows this, the justification is simple “I’ll go tomorrow”.

Beat your brain: make Monday an absolutely non-negotiable day to go to the gym. None. Nada. NO excuses under absolutely no circumstances on this planet. Too tired? One extra hour sleep won’t make you less tired. Too cold? Wear a jacket for fucks sake. Don’t feel like it? Being an adult is basically a series of activities you don’t feel like doing until you’re dead – just add going to the gym to that list.

Tuesday: your brain is a crafty fucker. Only second to a Monday, Tuesday is pretty easy to talk yourself out of: “I’ll just go on [insert other day you’re not really going to the gym] to make up for it”.

Beat your brain: what is your absolutely faaaavourite thing to do at the gym? Is it a fav class? A workout routine that you are boss at? Judging people? Reserve this favourite class/routine for a Tuesday as your motivator to get to gym today.

Wednesday: today is make or break day and brain usually goes on one of two tangents: 1) I’ve really fucked up this week and I absolutely HAVE to go to the gym today or 2) I’ve really fucked up this week and I will absolutely WRITE myself off this week and start again next week.

Beat your brain: at this point you need to acknowledge how shit your logic is and kick your own ass at the gym because you still have 5 days of the week to go. The week is still salvageable – lest you suffer self-loathing, sluggishness and general grossness for the rest of the week.

Thursday: at 12.01am on a Thursday your brain immediately switches to “it’s the end of the week, I’m tired” mode.

Beat your brain: similar to a Monday, never miss a Thursday gym session. Why tho? Because if you have already gone Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and you can manage to drag your sorry ass to the gym on a Thursday – it’s perfectly reasonable to have a Friday off the gym. And what bigger motivator to get to the gym today as the promise of not having to go tomorrow? PS the “I’ll go tomorrow” reasoning you use on a Monday – is a million-fold more bullshit on a Thursday: only psychopaths are motivated to go to the gym on a Friday. Are you a psychopath?

Friday: brain is at its strongest gym resistance today. Good luck.

Beat your brain: even I can’t make myself go on a Friday. It would be fraudulent of me to suggest anything. However bribery, enticement, corruption and mental warfare are all acceptable methods on a Friday. You got some ideas? Send ‘em through – because out of 8 Fridays we have had in 2019 – I have been ONCE. And that was because I was working.

Saturday: brain is very happy it doesn’t have to think as it is the weekend and is at its lowest gym resistance of the week

Beat your brain: take full advantage of immobilised brain and just head to the gym without thinking. In case of resistance insert [big breakfast with side of hash-brown and crispy bacon].

Sunday: see Saturday. With benefits (less people at the gym).

Beat your brain: you can really get a head-start for the coming week here: keep a Sunday training sesh in your brain ammo bag for when you inevitably bail on a session next week. Keep in mind you can only use the Sunday sesh as a replacement for one other session in the coming week…not 5.

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